Ditch the DIY and stick with mediation
In this article Jayne Rhodes from J2People reflects on how her recent house build project has tested her patience levels, but not impacted her ability to successfully mediate.
How much patience do you have on a day-to-day basis? I’m writing this with reflection on my recent hectic home-life and thinking about how and why I have higher tolerance levels with my work than I do at home.
Putting my patience levels to the test
I should probably give a little context about home. Last year we embarked upon a house renovation project, which was planned for 3 years and got delayed due to Covid. We were so excited to be starting the project at long last, but equally apprehensive about the challenges it would bring with work and family life. Whilst the project went well overall, it was a big test of my endurance over 10 months with the back half of my house gone. I battled with feeling frustrated, tired, impatient and fed up, especially when it was cold!
Maintaining patience as a mediator
If I compare my DIY experience to mediation, I feel rather different. I’m patient, I listen to everything carefully, I’m empathetic, I’m open minded, I’m present and I’m focused through to the end. Unlike the building project, my energy levels remain high. I take the time needed to talk things through properly. I build rapport and trust and I’m determined to give the individuals every chance possible to resolve issues and be able to move forwards.
Unlike brick work, I don’t always see immediate progress with mediation, and the improvement is not always visible either. It depends on the situation of course. It may take time to move forwards, and for a while it may even feel like we are taking steps backwards. I was irritated that it took my flooring 3 months to dry out, but I persevere with mediation. I feel very calm and positive about uncovering the issues to really understand what is going on, before advancing in the right direction.
My communication style throughout mediation is critical to success. This isn’t just about what I say to individuals, it’s as much about how I say it. I know that the way I held my conversations with the builder, joiner, plumber, electrician (the list goes on…) was really important to completing the project successfully. In mediation I work hard to get on the same wavelength as individuals and gain trust. I’m composed, aware and respectful, and I show my commitment to the process. This provides a much better platform for success.
And of course we are now trying to complete the tedious tasks to be fully finished, and at times I do feel anxious about the ongoing incompleteness of my house. However, in mediation, uncovering all issues thoroughly, no matter how big or small, is really important to ensuring no stone is left unturned. These must always be given the time and attention required to ensure the relationship has a better chance of success moving forwards. Rushing will not resolve conflict or complete a construction project in the long term.
In all of my experience of reaching successful mediation outcomes, the key ingredient to success is having patience. Individuals need time to work through the process. As a mediator my commitment and energy levels remain consistent. I ask myself, ‘Why am I more patient when mediating through really difficult issues compared to looking at skirting boards for my house?’ It is simple. I’m really passionate about helping individuals to be at their very best, and I am therefore highly engaged with resolving issues that get in the way of high performance.
Of course, you can’t quite compare human behaviour to building materials. However, I will certainly use my mediation skills more the next time we embark on a house project (not sure if there will be a next time!!).
Workplace Mediation – J2People
J2People are an HR Consultancy, we put people first, enabling them to perform at their best.
Jayne Rhodes is an accredited mediator through ACAS. She is experienced in successfully resolving workplace conflict whoever it is between. With a natural style for supporting and engaging individuals, she facilitates high quality conversations to gain agreement where possible.
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If you would like to know more about our mediation services, please get in touch at hello@j2people.co.uk or visit www.j2people.co.uk
